Dig my new theme: “Let Then Die!” Think I should get merch?
Republicans deliberately created the hell of American gun violence. It took the GOP decades and endless judicial nominations, but they finally got exactly what they intended. We’re clocking more than a mass shooting a day, and the Supreme Court misread the Constitution to rule that we can’t ‘limit’ anti-safety gun nuts. The Texas GOP made their ideas clear: remove every gun restraint (if you’re White).
Thoughts and Prayers
Want mine? If lowering gun deaths didn’t make people happy, then let’s go the other way. Do Republicans want more dead people? I say, sure! If it’s a Republican district, let’s give them some real body counts. Is someone killing your Republican kids? I feel bad for the kids, but I’m done caring about y’all. Sympathy is so 90s. Open it all up, dudes! You know it’s what you want.
Newest Fashions
Time for Republican parents to move with the times. I think that a double-draw concealed pistol rig will be the bomb for your teenage daughter. No boy taking advantage of that young girl! And it’s not like your kids have poor impulse control, so make sure they can draw those weapons at the slightest provocation. Nobody wants to be second in a gunfight. (Remember: it’s a ‘performance trigger upgrade,’ not a hair-trigger.)
If your son can’t hit shit, don’t waste time with target practice. Get him the Mac 10, a real man’s machine pistol! I know he wanted a sawed-off, but the boy will enjoy the punch and uncontrollable spray of full auto. Besides, today’s bullies are probably packing; make sure your toddler has the penetration to resolve any schoolyard conflicts.
Worried that your wife – or, God forbid, your girlfriend! – might get charged for ‘accidentally’ shooting that dog-walker in the park? Me, too. But not anymore! RINO hunting is a thing! You can shoot anyone you don’t like! (I saw it on the Internet.) Don’t forget to take out the dogs and any nattering video nabobs. I think that’s tidy. Let them die now so they won’t get in your way later. That’s the American Dream right there!
Self-Defense
And you? Pry your wallet open for that Barrett M82 you’ve always wanted. You might need the .50 for, um, ‘self-defense.’ I mean, what if that punk-ass middle school kid has body armor? Stop whining about a four-foot hunk of blued steel. Thirty pounds should be nothing for a true MAGA patriot.
<Sigh> Maybe Ezekiel is right. I can’t tell if Putin purchased the Republican party, or if they’re just the Antichrist at work (assuming there’s any difference.) Every Republican goal tears another hole in the American social fabric. And we know where Republicans want to take us: unlimited guns, the pants-wetting terror of anything queer, and a Republican Christian theocracy. Next up: nullify the Constitution, secede from the Union, Civil War II, and (if possible) end America as a nation. The Republican Party wrote it all down, for God’s sake! We don’t have to guess. Now, you can pretend it’s only Texas if you want, but notice how many other Republicans jumped up? Yeah, bupkis.
I Like Guns
That’s my confession of the day. And yes, I do like guns. I didn’t hunt as a kid, but target shooting was a happy part of my childhood. I spent endless afternoons plinking away. Even now, give me a .22 and some tin cans and I can entertain myself for hours.
Second confession: the violence and destruction were part of the fun. Same reason I like string trimmers. Blowing up shit is a total gas.
When Gun Culture Goes Bad
Back in the day, gun owners had an established, deep-seated safety culture. We were proud of everything we did to minimize accidents. Finger off the trigger. Don’t point the barrel at anything important. Wear hearing protection and safety glasses. Don’t joke around. Store the gun safely, especially when curious kids are in the house. Keep your finger off the goddamn trigger! Where’s the gun pointing? Pay attention. And above all: no fucking around with guns!!
Weirdly, back in those dark, unenlightened times, the NRA subsidized the best gun safety classes around. If you were serious about safety, you took their firearms training.
Don’t ask me what happened. Now we see MAGA goons with NRA patches cosplaying with open carry loaded lethal weapons at political demonstrations. They need big guns to intimidate people. Fucking really? Every civil protest is one loud pop away from a firefight. Chris Hayes made the point that I handle every power tool in my woodshop with more safety protocols than these idiots follow.
So, I’m thinking. Do you think “Let Them Die” coffee mugs have potential?
