Hey, I think I found a clue!  Did you know lots of plastics leech chemicals called phthalates (THA-lates) into food? It’s linked to what I’m calling brain rot, and it’s all through our fast food.

There’s a recent study published in Nature called “Phthalate and novel plasticizer concentrations in food items from U.S. fast food chains: a preliminary analysis.”  The researchers drove all around town buying hamburgers, fries, chicken nuggets, chicken burritos, and cheese pizzas.  (First question: Why can’t I get that job?)  Anyway, they tested all that glop for phthalates and found that most fast food was lousy with the chemicals.  Especially fries. 

(Oh, noes! Not the fries!)

Shut up.  The researchers strongly link Phthalate exposure to developmental problems, testosterone changes, and an increased risk for children’s learning, attention, and behavioral issues.  So, you know, brain rot, the decay of manners, and your dick falling off. 

OK, maybe that last part is just a wish.

Last question: who do you think eats more fast food: Dems or the corrupt Corporate Elephant Syndicate?  I mean, look at their previous Idiot-In-Chief.  Cheeseburgers and fries all around.

Maybe that explains the Republican nonsense. Why else would grown-ups yell “Child abuser!” and “This is rape!” at confused kids just trying to walk to school?  Is that why they hate women so much? At the very least, chemically induced brain rot might explain why this confident woman pushed a brass key against her chest and called it “magnetism.”