Oh my god! Look, I know “lying douche” isn’t strong enough, but it’s a headline; I only have so much room. President Donald Trump isn’t just a goddamn mouth-breathing, leering, crotch-grabbing, racist, sore-loser dictator-wannabe. He’s not just the worst liar in history! (Someone else might be worse, but Donald LittleDick’s already got 25,000 documented lies. Hard to beat that. Someone should call Guinness.) President Crotch-Knob managed to find another way to look like a perfect dickhead. After four years of daily Twitter jerk-off, that’s a tough bar to pass, but he managed. He trying to skip the bill on his failed insurrection. Viva la Revolution, asshat!
OK, lemmie lay out the run-up. Follow the bouncing impeachment ball:
- First up, of course, Trump loses his election despite everything he does to bollocks up voting rights, the Post Office, and every election where a Democrat won. And he lost anyway. Is anyone surprised Lord CrazyEyes pretends none of that happened?
- A couple of weeks ago, President Loser did his last super-spreader group grope. As always, his part is a long baby squawl about how the world has been so goddamn unfair to Bonnie Prince Don. Seriously. The President of the United States — the leader of the free world — speaks from the lap of nearly perfect luxury about how everyone has been so mean to him. And then Trump sics his armed, angry cultists on Congress.
- Extra Scumbag points: Trump swore he’d march with them. Twice. And what did Mr. Masculinity do? Contemplate “lying douche.” Tiny Testicles bailed in his tax-funded limo.
- The wound-up thousands in their military cos-play costumes, grab their Trump merch and chant their way to the Capitol, violence on their minds. Some police fight back, but some security points kinda dissolve. The Law And Order Trumpists assault a few hundred cops anyway and beat one or two to death with their Blue Lives Matter flags. The murderous mob slowly hammers their way through the really sturdy doors, pretending they were invited. Rioters trash everything they touch, searching for anyone to capture or kill.
- Trump watches it all on TV, reportedly happy and doing jack squat to stop it. Trump’s co-conspirators (A.K.A, “acting agency heads”) in the DoD and DHS delay National Guard support for hours. Finally, the remaining Capitol Police get help from the Metropolitan DC cops, Maryland police, Virginia police, DC National Guard, Maryland National Guard, Virginia National Guard, the Justice League, the Gang of Four, and anyone in the same time zone with a sense of honor. We watched devolve on TV, slack-jawed.
Trump told his people to overthrow the election, and they almost screwed it up badly. So that’s despicable, right? Thank your sainted mother that Virginia and Maryland sent people to help clear the Capitol.
And today we got the cherry on top. On his last day in office, Trump’s FEMA refused to pay Maryland’s and Virginia’s costs. They saved our democracy, and Trump stiffs them on the bill. How fucking perfect.
Yeah, that’s our ex. <sigh>
I’m supremely happy the fuckwit is gone. Good riddance to the lying douche, his racist enablers, grunting goon squad, felonious fixers, liar Barbies, and all the rest.
