There are any number of theories about Hurricane Irma, and Harvey before it.  The amount of unadulterated crazy on display is… educational.  But I think they’re all missing the point.

Apparently, big storms don’t just happen.  That would be too random.  But they aren’t being made worse by climate change, either.  That would be too non-random; too unbelievable.  Human activity is too small to change something as big as the climate.  We aren’t powerful enough to affect Hurricanes.

The real answer is far more sinister.

Professional blowhard Rush Limbaugh opined that hurricanes in general, and Irma in particular, were really a plot by the water bottlers and battery companies to panic people unnecessarily, so they could sell out all their stocks.  And liberals, of course, because… ‘climate change’.  Hurricane Harvey was in on the plot, too (conspired into existence?) to soften the market’s resistance.  Rush fled his home in Florida shortly afterwards, presumably because the conspiracy had spread too widely.

Lots of references to god, ‘the lord’, and Mother Nature, who are all assumed to be sociopathic mass murderers with anger management issues.  And that’s according to their fans.

Kevin Swanson is a pastor (by someone’s definition) who has managed to leverage weather for his own benefit.  Harvey was god’s judgment on Houston for their pro-homosexuality agenda.  And on New Orleans, too.  (God clearly feels all those good Christians in the middle are acceptable collateral damage.)  Irma is another of his god’s punishments, this time against the Supreme Court decisions about abortion and gay rights.  (No explanation why SCOTUS and Florida, verses, say, DC.)  But then, Swanson has the same justification for the western wildfires.  And earthquakes.  All because of queers.  And abortion.  He’s consistent across his disasters.

Some of the examples of god’s wrath were surprisingly specific.  Jim Bakker described Harvey as “this flood is from God,” to punish Houston for trying to subpoena Bakker’s sermons.  So Bakker’s kind and loving god is OK drowning one of the most packed regions in the US, and the many millions of people there, all because of one prosecutor.  Maybe they were all guilty by association.

Christian radio egomaniac Rick Wiles agreed that Harvey was all because of the homos.  “Here’s a city that has boasted of its LGBT devotion, its affinity for the sexual perversion movement in America. They’re underwater.”

Damn.  That ‘god’ guy needs to chill.

And I think the chorus of god’s interpreters are all missing the point.  I get that map-reading isn’t popular with the End-of-Days crowd, but hurricanes are really, really big.  They’re not surgical instruments of retribution.  Harvey and Irma were bigger than most states.  They don’t target people or cities, they strike time zones.

So if god or Mother Nature is smacking us around for our sins, we’re looking at whole states.  And the first was Texas, Land of Rick Perry, famous as a Republican stronghold.  It’s as Trumpian as you can get.  Cherry-picking specific urban areas doesn’t change that Texas is a deeply red state.  And Louisiana?  Oklahoma?  Mississippi?  Red, red, and red.  This isn’t about liberals, or LGBTQ, or gay marriage, or any of that.  If god has it in for anyone, it’s the GOP.

Now there’s Irma.  It destroyed whole islands, crushed the poorest nation in the region, then slammed into Florida.  Sure, Miami is liberal, but does anyone really think that rural Florida is a LGBTQ mecca?  And Alabama?  Tennessee?  This storm isn’t just Key West and Miami, its sweeping half the South.

And Mar-A-Lago.  Didja miss that part?  For days, Irma was aimed dead-nuts-center at Trump’s Winter White House.  Sure, the storm eventually jagged west — even god’s wrath isn’t perfect — but I was following the bands of heavy rain that just happened to slice just south of West Palm, directly over the new political Sodom and Gomorrah.  I have friends in the area, so I felt guilty about cheering it on.  But I did anyway.

So, Texas, Louisiana, Florida, Georgia and… Mar-A-Lago!  I think I know who mother nature, god, and Allah are really pissed at.  And if the next big tropical storm rides up the Chesapeake….

Well, I’m donating money to the Freedom From Religion Foundation.  And joining my local Progressive Party branch.

I mean, Jeeze.  Even god has it in for the GOP.