Look, President Joe. We need to talk. Why are you so hard to find? The major media are suffocating you, spinning every event into a failure. Your enemies are spouting lies and nonsense. But I have a suggestion: start using social media. Really. You’re not using it now, and you need to start.

Oh, my god, Joe! Your media pages blow! I know you have an official White House Facebook page, Twitter feed, and Instagram page. Except reading them is like sucking on an old sock. They’re all mindless publicity pap. You are not there. Where are you? Do you even know they exist? What’s it say when I watch President Zelenskyy’s videos, but nothing from you?

Social media is a powerful, direct connection. You can skip around all that network politics and media’ summaries.’ But it only works if you use it.

I kinda get it. Every non-Progressive Democrat sucks at communication. Maybe you see social media stuff as annoying noise. Why can’t it be the way it used to be? It’s not the same anymore.

No, the world isn’t the same anymore. We have lots more stuff. That’s my point.

Mistakes won’t end your Presidency. President Mad Dog Trump used media masterfully, and he was an obsessive, vindictive psychopath. He fucked up every single day, and his people loved him even more. Are you saying you can’t do better than that idiot?

So, you’re old-school Joe who likes position papers and speeches, glad-handing and quiet negotiations. I get that. And I know you might hate talking, what with your stutter. (Hey, I stutter, too. I feel for you.) But you can be a brilliant storyteller when you speak from the heart. If your people are holding you back, piss on–

Um, convince them that you need that connection to achieve your political policies? Yeah, that.

And your speeches? Talk can be healing, but honey? Your speechwriters aren’t cutting it. They’re giving you bland, tasteless, poll-tested crud. Boring, and they’re obviously not your words. I only light up when you go off-script.

I can’t even find out when you’re talking. Every time I read that “Biden will be speaking on this later,” I start the same worthless search. Are you hiding?

• You schedule every important speech in the middle of the day.
• Your speech times aren’t usually announced.
• When I do find the scheduled time – after a long search – I can’t even record them:
  • Every speech gets pushed back at the last minute, usually by more than an hour.
  • You don’t get to the podium until a half-hour after that.

Dude, I’m a little hurt. I mean, that’s just rude. You’re only talking to reporters, not to us. We all see that.

Social media can be so much easier. Record a few short, direct videos. Do it on your schedule, and don’t worry about makeup or fancy backgrounds. Street clothes are fine. (Informality is your friend.) A cell phone has more than enough video quality. Just be honest and direct, and we’ll love you.

Joe, the nation elected you to be our President. It’s not like we don’t know who you are. We know all your flaws, and we believe in you. Could you, maybe, believe in us back? It feels like we’re an afterthought. No girl wants that.

Are you afraid to talk? Worried you’ll trip over your tongue? Screw that! We like you because you’re passionate. When did you get afraid of your own words? Stop mouthing someone else’s speeches. I get that you’re scared of gaffs. The major media bullies jump all over you about it. And yeah, you’re not perfect, and some mistakes have consequences.

But look at the balance. You need the voters to understand what you’re doing. You really, really do. And I think you want that, too. Social media can give you that connection, but you have to be there. Your staff can’t do that for you. (Well, they could, but they’d have to get much better at mimicking your voice.)

Joe, Joe, Joe. While you’re AWL, your Fox critics are mouthing off. Politics abhors a vacuum, and without a strong message, Republicans and racist wingnuts are free to fill the space. Those bastards shout down every victory. You must’ve noticed, right?

Opening up is hard, especially on new platforms. You will make mistakes, but don’t let fear stop you. Trump proved that gaffs don’t matter as much as they used to. A benefit from a real, personal connection overpowers that trivial ‘gotcha’ crap. It’s all so High School.

Social media can be a super-powered path to the voters’ hearts. Think about The Donald. Trump’s Twitter feed was vulgar, perule, nasty, and frequently illegal. And legendary. It gave him power, and he used that faux emotional connection to drive most of his policies. His miserable fucking vindictive racist moronic policies. Talk about a powerful media source!

Try this exercise: compare Trump’s influence before and after the Twitter ban.

Look, I know Trump smeared his stench all over social media, but that’s all on Trump. That cheap Succession knockoff could only write in poison and rage. Now, look at President Zelenskyy’s videos. He’s a goddamn hero, and not just to Ukrainians!

Mister President, you’ve been politically brilliant, building our alliances masterfully. But you’re not talking to us. Getting your side out is essential. Most of us are stuck with the crud reporters tell us. You can fix that.

And, just in case Joe isn’t reading this himself, could someone tell the White House to unchain the boss? Everyone will be happier.